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X-Men: Evolution of the Heart: Chapter Twenty Four

Author's note: The song "How Do I Live" belongs to LeAnn Rimes.

Life, Death, and Love

When Jean arrived at the institute, Scott was immediately rushed in to the medical bay. Jean wanted to go with them, but she was forced to stay out so they could work. Scott's condition looked very bad, Jean didn't have to be a doctor to know that. She saw all the bloody wounds that littered Scott's body and the image was burned painfully in to her mind. Now, she could do nothing but wait...And hope. But the images in her mind and the fading presence of Scott from her head only made her feel worse. He was dying...And there was nothing she could do about it.

Soon, the rest of the group scrambled in to the medical quarters frantically asking what was happening and Jean was forced to tell them all the bloody details again. It wasn't long before anger gave way to tears as the possibility of loosing their best friend, who had been like a big brother to all of them, began to truly sink in. Finally, they stopped asking Jean so many questions and were only left to absorb what was happening. Kurt and Kitty stayed close to each other and leaned on one another for support as they sat and worried for their friend. Evan had his face buried in his hands. Even though he was never one to show a lot of emotion, this was just one thing he couldn't hide. Rogue had already been in tears and most of her mascara had been washed away, not wanting to believe that this was happening. Jean was by far the worst, having been the one to find him first and not having been there sooner to stop all this. But it wasn't just that, it was the fact that she had felt this event coming from a dream that she didn't heed in time. That only made her feel worse.

"This is all my fault..." Jean muttered to herself, "I let this happen...He's going to die and it's all my fault."

Rogue had heard this and immediately tried to say something to comfort her friend.

"He's not gonna die Jean...Don't think like that. Don't even contemplate it. You saved him...He's gonna live because you got him here," assured Rogue as she tried to calm Jean down.

"I saw him Rogue. I felt him...I think I was too late. It's all my fault..." said Jean as more tears welled up in her eyes.

"This ain't yer fault Jean...Ya couldn't have stopped this. Don't blame yerself..."

"I saw something like this happen, Rogue. I saw it all happen in a dream. I saw blood, felt pain, and I did nothing. I knew and I did nothing to stop it. I...Did...Nothing," sobbed Jean as she forced her own guilt upon herself.

"Come on Jean...What could you have done? Even if ya did know...Would it have stopped whoever did this to him?"

Rogue's words were growing weaker as she too found it difficult to talk any more about it. Then, the doors to the medical room came open and the Professor wheeled out with a solemn look on his face.

"Professor..." started Jean, but Charles Xavier didn't have to be a psychic to know what she was about to ask.

"It's good you got him here Jean...I doubt he would have survived any longer if you hadn't. But there are just so many wounds...And he lost so much blood."

"Will he be okay?!" asked Evan in an exasperated and worried tone.

"It's...Hard to say. He's critical now and he's already flat-lined once. He's still alive, but he just keeps fading. I'm sorry...But we've done all we can for him," said the Professor sadly, trying to sound strong but failing miserably.

He was still alive...But he was fading fast. It was growing all the more hopeless for the group as they wept for their friend. Logan and Ororo then came out, both with exhausted looks on their faces. They both didn't look too hopeful. Even Logan looked sad from this whole thing, but he hid it beneath a powerful sense of anger that he felt towards whoever did this.

"He's resting for now Chuck...But I don't think we can bring him back if he flat-lines again," said Logan with remorse in his voice.

"Isn't there anything else we can do?" asked Kurt desperate not to give up hope.

"Yes...You can pray," said Ororo, but that didn't help ease any fears.

While the others let this sink in, Jean arose to her feet and asked the Professor one more thing.

"Professor, can I see him?"

"I must warn you Jean...It's not a pleasant sight. I don't know if you should..." but then Jean cut him off before he could finish.

"Please Professor...I just want to be with him. Because if he does die...I don't want to be anywhere else, other than by his side," said Jean, choking on those last few words.

The Professor only had to contemplate this briefly before coming to a decision.

"Okay Jean..." said the Professor with a nod, "I suppose it would be best."

"Thank you," said Jean gratefully as she walked through the doors to the bed.

Jean let out a gasp as she saw Scott's appearance. The Professor hadn't been lying about it not being a pretty sight. Scott was lying deathly still on a medical bed with many tubes going in an out of his body. There was a slow, unsteady beep of machines monitoring his vitals. He was still breathing, but his breaths were very short and labored. His skin had grown very pale from the loss of blood, and there was a great deal of bandages all around his torso. The smell of Scott's blood permeated through the air. It sickened Jean to smell something as horrible as the blood of her best friend, but she never once contemplated leaving.

Jean pulled up a chair near the side of Scott's bed and sat besides him. Her legs were already so weak and her mind was still in a state of shock from everything that had happened. Just a few hours ago, Jean was worried about telling Scott how she felt about him, but now she worried that she may lose him forever. The thought alone bought tears to her eyes as she gently ran her fingers down his cold, pale face.

"I'm so sorry Scott...I'm so sorry," said Jean in between sobs. "I was warned that something like this would happen and I did nothing to help you. After everything you've done for me and all we've been through together, I didn't help you when you really needed it. This is all my fault Scott, you didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve any of this. I should be the one in that bed...Not you. I was the one who didn't tell you before all this happened, I was the one who betrayed you and went out with Duncan, I..." Jean tried to go on and pour her heart and soul out to him, but she could feel his mind slipping away from her. Every passing second seemed to bring her friend closer and closer to death. She then gently held Scott's cold, limp hand.

"Don't die Scott...Please...Don't die."

***

Logan, Ororo, and the Professor spent the better part of a half-hour outside the door to the medical bay trying to comfort Kurt, Kitty, Evan, and Rogue. They urged them to try and get some rest, but they refused. They didn't want to leave with their friend so close to dying, so they were allowed to stay. While they sat in worry, the Professor tried to hide his own feelings of remorse for all that had happened, but like his students he just couldn't. After talking to the rest of the group, the Professor found himself discussing this whole traumatic ordeal with his fellow teachers.

"It looks bad Chuck...It looks very bad," said Logan with a great sense of worry.

"I know old friend...I wish more could be done...But..." the Professor only trailed off, unable to finish his thought.

"Is there any hope at all for him Charles?" asked Ororo who was also visible distraught from the whole ordeal.

Charles Xavier sighed with a feeling of overwhelming guilt, for he couldn't lie to himself anymore just how desperate this terrible situation was now.

"We've done everything we can Ororo...But he's still fading away from us. There are just too many wounds and he lost so much blood I just...I honestly don't think Scott will make it," said the Professor with a great deal of strain in his voice.

"Charles, don't think that...You of all people should know that we can never give up hope," said Ororo in response.

It did little to calm the Professor's fears, but it had to be said.

"I know...It's just...I don't think that this team can handle losing Scott. He's like a big brother to all of them. It was him that helped bring them all together in the first place. They're all so close and losing Scott will just...Destroy them. Especially Jean."

The Professor could sense Jean's frantic thoughts with his powers and he knew if Scott died, she would be hit the hardest. She was closer to Scott than anyone else in the world. She was in love with him. It didn't take a telepath to see that. They needed each other. They helped each other deal with all the trauma that they had faced in their lives...Trauma that even the Professor didn't know about. But he sensed they told each other what they couldn't tell him. It was getting too hopeless to think about, yet it could not be forgotten. The life of their leader and friend was hanging in the balance...And now they just sat and prayed.

***

With every passing second, Jean felt Scott slipping ever further from life. She had never felt so helpless before. She could feel the sadness overcoming her and her friends. She could feel all their agonizing fears of losing Scott. Jean didn't have the strength to filter them out. They were all nearly as worried as she was, for they were always close to one another. If Scott died, a part of them would surly die with them. He was a friend, almost like a brother in every way except blood. But they didn't need that. If he died, there would be nobody to play the music that he had used for so long to give them hope. If he died, there may be no more hope. It was all so wrong...She couldn't lose this boy, she just couldn't.

Time seemed to lose all meaning in the small hospital room. Nothing mattered anymore to Jean. She was going to stay here and wait...She would wait for whatever was fated for Scott. However, her hope was slipping fast as the whole situation grew more and more hopeless. Jean then found herself gently running her fingers down the side of Scott's face. He wasn't wearing his glasses, so she could feel the areas that were normally concealed from her. While looking in to his face, she felt compelled to tell him what she had hoped to tell him before all this would happen. She had to, for she may not get another chance.

"Scott...Scott I don't know if you can hear me...But I need to tell you something," she began as she took a deep breath.

"We've been through so much together since you saved me that day in the alley over 6 years ago. We've been through the worst of times...But we went through them together. Through those times I honestly started to lose hope...But you were always there to help me think otherwise. We've faced death before and we've been able to overcome it. We've been able to overcome everything...Big and small alike. And through this time you never left my side, and I never left yours. You were my sanity when I was losing my grip on reality and I was your eyes when you couldn't see. We've always shared a bond, and now I've come to realize why." Jean struggled as more tears welled up in her eyes. "Scott...I have to tell you...You have to know...That I love you. I really...Do...Love you."

Those words were so hard to say for her, but when Jean finally said them she felt both relieved and saddened. Now that she had said them, she was unsure if she would ever know if Scott felt the same way. With despair overcoming her, she gently took Scott's cold, limp hand. As she looked upon his still form, she remembered a song Scott had sang to her once. He had sung it to her when they were on the streets and she was still suffering from seizures. In the hopes that somehow Scott would hear her, Jean began to sing softly the words that he had used to comfort her all those years ago.

How do I
Get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you
What kind of life would that be?

Oh, I...I need you in my arms, need you to hold
You're my world, my heart, my soul
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Without you

There'd be no sun in my sky
There would be no love in my life
There'd be no world left for me
And I, baby I don't know what I would do

I'd be lost if I lost you
If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything good in my life
And tell me now

How do I live without you?
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?
Please tell me baby
How do I go on?

If you ever leave
Baby you would take away everything
I need you with me
Baby don't you know that you're everything
Good in my life?
And tell me now

How do I live without you
I want to know
How do I breathe without you?
If you ever go
How do I ever, ever survive?
How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?

How do I live without you?
How do I live without you baby?

Upon finishing the song, Jean gently squeezed Scott's hand hoping he had heard her words. Under the soft florescent glow of the lights above, Jean placed a single kiss in Scott's cold forehead. She was exhausted in every way imaginable and was no longer able to keep her eyes from closing. With a heavy sigh, Jean collapsed in to her chair and quickly fell asleep hoping that Scott would still be there when she woke up.

***

In a dark, cold void Jean felt herself falling uncontrollable through a vast wasteland of nothingness. She felt paralyzed and unable to move. Looking around there was nothing but darkness, then she started to see pictures appear before her. She heard crying and saw many tears. They were the anguish of her friends and watched them stand over a grave under a cold, steady rain. Jean actually saw herself crying uncontrollably as she placed a single red rose before the tombstone. Then she saw the name on the grave...Scott Summers. Jean slammed her eyes shut and tried not to look, but then a barrage of new images flashed around her. She saw pictures of Scott being repeatedly stabbed by a dark figure, she saw images of herself losing control of her powers and endangering her friends, and finally she saw a strange vision of herself flying through the sky and being consumed by mysterious flames. Jean couldn't take it anymore. She didn't want to see this. She didn't want to see the dark future of what her life would be like without Scott.

"NO! NO I WON'T BELIEVE IT!" screamed Jean as she grasped the sides of her head, trying to make what she was seeing disappear.

Then, something else happened. Jean started to see other visions, only these were more memories. She saw the image of when Scott first found her on the streets and helped her gain control of her powers when she had one of her power surges. She then saw numerous images of her past self huddled up against Scott as they struggled to survive together. She then watched time move forward as they met up with their friends one by one and how they all helped each other. Then there were memories of how Professor Xavier recruited them and gave them a home. She then saw the image of Scott rushing in and saving her from Duncan when he tried to rape her and embracing her while she cried. She saw images of herself when she would hold on to Scott when either of them had a terrible nightmare. All these images were memories...Good memories in fact. They were all centered around her and Scott. The memories she saw actually made her feel calm and everything around her stopped spinning. Soon that calm was overcome with the thoughts of how all the good times she had with Scott would end if he died. Jean's mind sank as she felt that these memories would soon be all she had left of Scott. But as she was thinking that, one more memory flashed before her...This one being clearer than any one of the others. It was a memory of when she and Scott were on the streets and it was before they had met any of the others.

"Come on Jean, you can do it!" yelled an image of Scott as he knelt before another image of her grasping her head from another power surge.

"I can't...I can't do it..." cried her younger self.

"Yes you can Jean! Don't give up!" yelled the image of Scott.

"I can't help it...I can't..." said her younger self.

"No Jean, you can do it! You can't ever loose hope...Because if you did than so would I. Please Jean! Please don't give up! Don't ever give up...I know you're stronger than that. Please..."

Then, Jean watched as her younger self calmed down and collapsed in to Scott's arms. As Jean saw this she actually smiled, for she remembered that day so vividly now. It was the day when she had one of her worst power surges, but it was the day she vowed never to lose faith again...Not after the words Scott spoke on that fateful day. Then, as the picture before her faded away, she felt another presence behind her. She turned around to see Scott floating before her. He wasn't wearing his glasses and she could see his deep, brown eyes.

Slowly, Jean approached Scott in a daze. Neither of them said a word as he extended his hand to her and pulled her in to an embrace. He felt warm and lively again and Jean felt herself melt in a sense of relief that she could feel him. Then, the world around her started to fade away, but not before she felt her face drifting ever closer to Scott's and making contact with them before everything finally vanished.

***

Slowly, Jean felt herself awaken from her sleep. The room hadn't changed and Scott was still lying in the bed. She didn't know how long she had been asleep or if the others were sleeping as well. However, there was something different about the room now. Something had changed, but Jean couldn't quite put her finger on it. Then, she felt it in her head. She felt the strange, warm presence in her mind that she had always shared with Scott. It was their link, and it was back and much stronger than before. Then, before she could ponder this any further, she heard a soft, raspy voice.

"Jean..."

Her ears immediately perked up upon hearing Scott's voice, for now she knew what that new feeling meant. His mind was back...And so was he.

"Oh my God...Scott?" said Jean hoping this wasn't another dream. Scott tried to sit up, but he felt his entire body sting upon trying. Never the less, he became more alert and took in his surroundings. His whole body ached and he felt very weak, but he was alive. Jean took his glasses from the table to the side and put them on his face so he could see. Upon opening his eyes, Scott's vision was blurry at first, but gradually it cleared and he could see Jean by his side. She was running her hands softly around the outline of his face and a look of overwhelming relief permeated on her face.

"I'm...Not dead," said Scott.

"Of course you're not dead Slim," said Jean with a smile, "But you were close...Too close..."

Scott let out a sigh upon hearing that, for the thought that he nearly died sent a wave of anxiety through his mind. But Jean's touch seemed to melt away that feeling as he lay there in the bed, still alive after coming so close to death.

"I'm sorry Jean...I'm sorry I scared you and the others like that," said Scott, seeing the worry on Jean's face.

"Don't apologize for it Scott," said Jean as she stroked the side of his cheek, "Its not you're fault and you know it. I'm just glad that I didn't lose you...Because I know it wouldn't be the same without you."

Jean then squeezed Scott's hand as he heard her gentle words. He knew that it was now or never. Scott took a deep breath as he gathered what little strength he had for what he was about to say.

"You won't lose me Jean, because I could never lose you either. You know I could never leave...Not after all we've been through. You said it yourself, we've been through the worst of times, but we've been through them together. I couldn't have made it through them without you the same way you always said how you could never have made it through them without me. And through all that...I realized how much you mean to me. And I could never leave this world...Without letting you know that...I love you Jean. I love you more than life in itself."

A great weight was lifted upon saying those words and even though his body stung with all his wounds, it didn't matter anymore. Jean could not fight the tears from forming in her eyes, as all the sadness was replaced with joy. She was at a loss for words now and could not speak. But she remembered that actions tend to speak more than words, and slowly bought her lips to his as they met in a soft kiss. Upon making contact, a wave of emotion was sent between them through the mind link they shared. All the pent up feelings of love, insecurity, and anxiety were shared between them fully for the first time. They didn't fight it, for it just felt so right. It took six years, but it was well worth the wait. As they reluctantly separate, Scott collapsed back on the bed. He was tired, yet relieved by all that had happened within the last few days.

"You should get some rest," said Jean as she felt his exhaustion through their link.

Scott only had the strength to nod in response, but before she could leave he told her one more thing.

"Jean, please tell the others I'm okay," said Scott as he started to nod off.

"Don't worry Scott...Everything is going to be okay now," said Jean as she placed on final kiss on his forehead and left the room.

Scott immediately felt better upon hearing those words that reminded him of that dream he had all those years ago. Only now he knew what that dream meant. To many it sounds unrealistic to see the one you love in a dream before you've even met them, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. The thought was reassuring as he was able to send her one last thought before he fell asleep. *I love you.*

Jean only smiled through tears of joy as she replied, *I love you too.*

***

The next day, when the events of what happened between Scott and Jean were revealed to Professor Xavier, Ororo, and Logan they could only say one thing.

"Well, it's about time," said Logan.

"That's for sure," responded Ororo.

Charles Xavier didn't say a word. He only sat there and smiled.

chap twenty five

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